5 Minutes vs 5 Decades: Your Pleasure, Her Pain

Mrs Patricia James heaved a sigh of relief for the first time in the past 50 years of her life, from an underlying pain which she's refused to share with anyone. Her inner relief started to come as she listened to Dr Lizzy Hakim as she facilitated in what happened to be the final session of her annual Women for Positive Change Conference, an annual conference she hosts through which she inspires excellence in women while addressing some underlying but critical societal cum cultural ills that peg women back from outstanding progress in life endeavours.

Dr. Lizzy runs Women for Positive Change Initiative as a Non-governmental Organization (NGO), and the annual conference is one of her outreach programmes to women of different age brackets. Dr Lizzy's talk was centered on helping rape victims recover from the associated trauma of rape. During the presentation, she had shared real stories of many victims of rape (while protecting their identities, particularly as some of them were seated in the audience) while giving relevant counsels on how to get over the excruciating emotional pains associated with being a victim of rape. She particularly emphasized on the need to speak out as a victim or witness of rape, noting that secrecy is one of the tools that help in incubating, multiplying and papetuating the dastardly act.

The Conference was exclusive for women, such that even the stewards and technicians were all women. This made it very easy for many more victims of rape who were there present to speak up after Dr Lizzy had finished her presentation, sharing many real life experiences which they'd not have shared otherwise. It was after that rigorous session, and attending to so many questions and taking many more reactions that Mrs Patricia approached Dr Lizzy outside the Conference Hall and desired to have a one-on-one with her. Because they were already well acquainted with each other and that Dr Lizzy was really exhausted, they went in a motorcade to her hotel room. After allowing her time to freshen up as well as having a light lunch with her, Mrs Patricia started to relate her tortious and lengthy tale.

"I just turned 13 years of age when it happened," Mrs Patricia started in such a rather depressed tone that Dr Lizzy had to encourage her to cheer up a bit more, assuring her of "being there for her". She then continued: "As a matter of fact, it happened on my 13th birthday, and I was just a lovely JS3 girl. I looked physically more mature than my age though - I probably looked 17, and all the attractiveness were there to fluant (although I wasn't particularly fluanting them, just that teens have to be teens)." "Yea, I understand," Dr Lizzy assured in a muse as she nodded.

"I had this young guy in my compound named Bosco. He was 17+ and very intelligent too, plus that he looked quite responsible as well," Mrs Rose continued. "He recently secured a university scholarship, and would be traveling to the UK the  day after the rape incidence. I have to admit that no one has ever taught me mathematics skillfully as he did, with so much simplicity and tactfulness employed. He was practically my best friend in the whole compound; on countless occasions we had sat together in our sitting room, and seldom in theirs, especially on weekends or during the holidays, either studying or just discussing casually while we saw a movies. My parents never questioned my closeness with him, maybe because of the fact that he'd always help me out with maths and the sciences, as well as the fact that he was also in very good terms with my elder brother (who was 18+). Moreover, he had two younger sisters, a set of twins, who were in a boarding school, with whom I as well very friendly." "It's quite understandable, you were just like family friends," Dr Lizzy quipped. "Exactly," Mrs Patricia confirmed. "He'd always call me pet names like 'baby girl', 'finny', 'shine-shine baby', 'bae', 'my wife', etc; even in my mom's presence. And while my mom took it as an innocent familiarity, I really enjoyed the names."

"The day before the ugly incidence transpired, he had assured me that he'd have a 'special and memorable time with me' before his journey; little did I know that the memorable time would not be 'pleasurable' to me at all as the softness of his tone was while he spoke those words. The incidence took place on a Friday, and so I came back from school at about 3pm as we did not have extramural classes at school on Fridays. His promised 'special and memorable time with me' propelled me to be on my way home as soon as the bell went, as against my usual practice of chatting around briefly with peers.

"Bosco was just coming down the stairs, wearing his three-quarter khaki shorts, as I walked into the almost  quiet-as-the-graveyard compound. We met at the foot of the stairway (they lived on the third floor, just directly above us in the four storey apartment house). He greeted me with that big-brotherly warm hug every teenage girl would savour; and as the 'happy birthday, my baby girl' left his lips, I clung more firmly to him, feeling safer than ever with him in his arms. Not even my siblings remembered my birthday that morning, and my mom who doesn't forget any of our birthdays travelled to the village with my dad for the funeral of a close relation the day before. These increased the value of his birthday wishes to me; and I remained locked in his arms for what may as well be up to five minutes, while he muttered some rather very soulish birthday prayers - if only I had known that an imminent danger was lurking in the corner, disguised in a friendly and big-brotherly robe." 

Mrs Patricia took a puase, shook her head in an obvious inner agony as she seemed to relive the whole experience over again. "Cheer up my dear," Dr Lizzy encouraged, as she went on to hold tightly to Mrs Patricia's hands, muttering some words of comfort in the process. Mrs Patricia took a sip from the glass of water in front of her and braced herself to continue the narration of her five-decade-old ordeal.

"His welcoming embrace and kind words made my heart the more tender towards him, but it wasn't anything romantic," Mrs Patricia reflected, evidently showing some bitter emotions. She went on to narrate how Bosco asked her to check on him at their suite as soon as she freshened up, with emphasis that he's got some 'special refreshments' for her; and that she almost hurriedly had a bath and put on clean casual wears - a camisole and a maybe-very-short skirt. "Which girl doesn't cherish 'a very special moment' and 'some special refreshments' from a big-brother on her birthday?" she said rather mockingly to herself.

"As I climbed up to their suite with all joyfulness, I did not know that I was equally as naive. He made me very comfortable with every details and served me a really delicious meal, with drinks accompaniments. Bosco could cook very well, unlike my elder brother who could hardly boil water for tea; so I didn't need a prophet to tell me that he prepared the meal himself. I wasn't a stranger to his house, I was more like a family member, but the type of courtesy he paid me that day was something else - every detail was with precision and his words were the kind of choice words you'd use when on a date with a princess. I took it that those words and treatments were because that day was my birthday, as well as the fact that he would be traveling the day after, bearing in mind his earlier promises. After the refreshments, I sat next to him in the sitting room while we saw an interesting movie. He'd occasionally touch me on the laps while we chatted; and at a point, because we were seated next to each other, I would lean on his chest," she narrated. "I was just as free with him as ever, and at that particular point with a farewell attitude caressing my mind and making me rather more gullible - and stupid as well."

At this point, Mrs Patricia couldn't hold back her tears any longer as she narrated how the young man started touching her "everywhere" until he finally overpowered her and forcefully slept with her right there is their sitting room. "Initially it was a seemingly innocent touch which I almost didn't resist; but every innocence in the whole thing faded away as his hands started to practically dance around my entire physical body. I tried to fight him off with all my might, little did I know that there was a beast in the guy that I had grown to accept as an elder brother and a caring friend," she continued her narrations, noting how he cruelly punched her on her stomach as she resisted him, how he slapped her mouth when she attempted biting him and how the loudness of the audio system concealed her groans while she struggled. "He treated me the way you can't treat an animal, pushed me out of their apartment after the rape and threatened to 'kill the hell in me' should I mention the incidence to anyone," Mrs Patricia said as she concluded her tales.

Dr Lizzy held her in a tight hug for a while as she was in tears again, while allowing her to recover her composure before asking her further questions. "It's obvious that that was how you lost your virginity; I can also imagine how hurting it was, both during and after the encounter. But, how did you handle it? Did you tell anybody about the ordeal - your mom, a trusted teacher, your school counselor, your church head, anybody?" "I never mentioned it to anyone," Mrs Patricia said in response. "As a matter of fact, this is my very first time to ever share this with any human being at all. I think, I was safer keeping it to myself than opening up to anyone and getting blamed for being raped." "How do you mean?" Dr Lizzy enquired. She then responded by telling her how her mom would have blamed her for wearing a camisole to visit a guy, and how blames would be laid on her for possibly flirting around the guy. "They'll all heap the blame on me; nobody would reason along with me. Only my elder brother would have been on my defence, but that would bring an untold war between him and Bosco and Bosco's family; and it'll finally come back on my head. So I was way safer keeping it all to myself," she said. 

"How did that affect your life generally after the incidence?" Dr Lizzy quizzed. "The fact remains that my life never remained the same ever since. My dreams were affected, my performance at school dropped and my interactions with people were practically killed. I became very moody, was caught on many occasions staring aimlessly at nothing. I developed an unusual kind of hatred for men generally, and I became more withdrawn to myself. The only thing I did after that was to take to writing. I seemed to find an escape each time I lifted my pen to write, only that I often wrote incoherent nonsense, lines which only me understood. It affected my life dream of being a surgeon; and I later had to settle for another course of study, simply because I had to study something - just totally lost the passion to give my life dream the needed push due to chronic depression that bedeviled me from the very moment after the experience. I used to top my class, but after that incidence, the best I had smelt was the 10th position," Mrs Patricia said while she leaned back on the seat. "It's a single event that has so adversely affected my life, giving it a different turn altogether. Those 5 minutes of pleasure to him have translated to a 5 decades of pains and mental distress to me. There's no single moment that I remembered that humiliation that I don't bow down in pains within me. On countless occasions I had considered suicide, only God knows how I've managed to remain alive till today" she remarked as she concluded, using her bandana to dry her the tears which had started to drip down her once-very-beautiful cheeks.

While you think about the pleasure

Don't hesitate her pains also to consider,

For rape such a crime against humanity it is

So dehumanizing it blows no one no good.

Why in our generation the humanity dies

For what's meant a pleasure a pain it's practically turned?

Many an excuse many a person offers

The causes of rape on the victims we blame

And thus doing the culprits emboldened.

Say No To Rape!

Yes To Sanctity and Decency!!!

Many a Patricia out there we have 

Our duty it is to fish out and rehabilitate;

Their tears to dry and hope fully restore

Their cases hear and justice grant.

Patricia in our mothers, daughters, sisters and friends

While we give them a voice the dastardly act we stop.

The Bosco in our society their number abounds

In excuses and secrecy they thrive

Their innocent victims we consider not their pains

Oh that they're brought to justice!

In stricter measures their cases to try

While no hiding place we afford them.

Say No To Rape!

Yes To Sanctity and Decency!!!

By Dabere Timothy Chukwuka (Timothy Integrity)

(This piece of literature is an original work by Dabere Timothy Chukwuka (Timothy Integrity). It's a literary contribution by the author in solidarity with the Say No To Rape campaign as being championed by Ms Esther Nwaogwugwu.

This work is a pure piece of fiction for public awareness, education and enlightenment and should be accepted as such. Any similarity in character with any real person, organization or concept is a mere coincidence.)

FUEL YOUR DESIRE TO SUCCEED AND EXCEL

• "We often strive to convince others, even when we aren't convinced strongly enough."

One of the major determinants of success and Excellence on life is decision; but that's quickly followed by determination. The extent to which we're going to succeed and excel at any worthwhile venture is determined, to a large extent, by the strength of our determination. Our determination is simply a measure of how strongly we're convinced the course is worth our efforts, time and other precious resources at our disposal. As soon as we get ourselves convinced strongly enough, we defy all odds to go all the way to achieve our objectives. We often strive to convince others, even when we aren't convinced strongly enough. Here comes the essence of getting worthy "why"s for our actions, endeavours and ventures.

• As soon as we get ourselves convinced strongly enough, we defy all odds to go all the way to achieve our objectives.

Whys strengthen our grip on the rough roads to success and Excellence. The stronger our whys, the more "firm-footed" we're, going all the way and defying all odds. Strong whys do us more favour than others. They help us more than they help others. Often we think that all we need is just to get the required resources mobilized, acquire the needed skill sets and then get others convinced to back us up, then we're good to go; but then we're as wrong as we think that we're correct with these assertions.

I had a friendly argument with a female friend of mine a few days ago, and a meditation on its aftermath prompted this write-up. She had a rather bitter burstup with one of her family members earlier than day; the family member had misjudged her motives and actions with respect to some series of happenstances. As I started my chat with her she shared her ordeal with me, and I really felt for her because it was very obvious that she was completely taken off context. Then she vowed to go all the way and succeed so as to "prove her wrong". That was when the debate ensued between us. I appluaded her determination to "go all out and succeed", but the "why" driving that resolve is what I strongly opposed. After a series of back and forth reasoning, she saw reason with me.

• We don't need to succeed just so as to prove others wrong, nor do we need to succeed just so as to prove the point that "we too can".

She saw reason with me, which is this: We don't need to succeed just so as to prove others wrong, nor do we need to succeed just so as to prove the point that "we too can". There should be a far stronger "why" behind our resolve to succeed, than mere gratification of our selfish egos and proving of points around. So I won my argument with her, and my night was made that day; not because I won the argument, but because I got one more person to pursue success and Excellence with the right perspective.

• My night was made that day; not because I won the argument, but because I got one more person to pursue success and Excellence with the right perspective.

A friend of mine have his personal motto thus: NEVER GIVE UP! And for this I admire him. He's used it to both motivate and inspire success and Excellence in many people (including yours sincerely). Now the question is: How can we get many more people not to give up on themselves and their right courses? To this question I've come to realize that "if we get people to imbibe the habit of strengthening their reasons for any course they count worthy, it's 75% to 95% more likely that they won't ever give up".

• "if we get people to imbibe the habit of strengthening their reasons for any course they count worthy, it's 75% to 95% more likely that they won't ever give up".

So I'll like us to reason together through this very important question. The "Why" Questions. Why do you do what you do? Why are you embarking on that particular venture? Why do you want to succeed? Why do you want to be famous or popular or an authority in that field? Have you sat yourself down to take yourself through these questions? Have you resolved these to a very large extent? Have you answered these questions over and over again to the extent that the answers to them are literally propelling you towards Excellence, even against all odds? Having seen that your odds to stay on course and all the way to success is increased by 75% to 95%, wouldn't you rather sit down and resolve these questions until the answers POSSESS YOU the way alcohol possesses the drunk?

• Have you answered these questions over and over again to the extent that the answers to them are literally propelling you towards Excellence, even against all odds?

I wouldn't suggest any right answers to you, for as our faces are different so our answers would be. (And meanwhile, I jumped through the question of what you'd like to do or succeed at, with the assumption that it's already resolved in you. If it isn't, that's a prerequisite assignment to undertake before the present one.) So, whatever worthy course you're pursuing, why do you want to succeed at it? To prove a point to your "haters" and "nay sayers"? To "show them" that you too can? To have the chance to mock those who have mocked you? To "fluant it all" to everyone? To get the "fame" you've so much lusted for? While I wouldn't dictate to you what your "why" should be, I'd like to tell you that the above reasons are way too ephemeral to be worthy of a purposeful attention. Nobody was created just to go "show it back to haters". If the above are your reasons, then you're actually still under the control of the said "haters" and "mockers".

• Nobody was created just to go "show it back to haters". If the above are your reasons, then you're actually still under the control of the said "haters" and "mockers".

Maybe you'd think of how you have to succeed so as to be a shoulder to lean on and a source of strength to others. The truth remains that your life and success are tied to others' lives and successes and theirs are as well tied to yours, as nobody is an island. Same way, your failure can go a long way to discourage others. For instance, some years ago I was considering a particular "side business", and I considered it to be quite a "good business"; then as I shared my consideration with a friend, he immediately gave me every reason (with much passion as well) why it's a no-go area, and he immediately cited two friends of his who ventured into it and failed. Oh the courage he'd have picked had his friends succeeded! Consider how you need to be a source of encouragement and not discouragement to others. Consider how your success should bring honour and glory, and not shame to your Maker; and how much worship your success would bring to God. Consider how through your success you'd be a strength to your family who have stood by you all these years, and not just to go and prove some vain points. Consider how through your success a pillar to many people's lives and success you shall be. These should sink down into your mind, and push you to rise up and defy all odds and succeed.

• Consider how your success should bring honour and glory, and not shame to your Maker; and how much worship your success would bring to God.

May I therefore urge you to, whatever worthy course you'd succeed at, go sit yourself down and answer the "Why Questions". Keep the answers in front of you long enough until they're written on the front page of your heart, stirring you to success and Excellence; and by all means, NEVER GIVE UP!

FATHERHOOD: BIRTHING THE CHILDREN'S DESTINY

• Fatherhood: Birthing the Children's Destiny

James and his younger brother, by 2 years, Kennedy, were born in the mid 60s, quite before the Nigerian civil war, to a godly and well-disciplined home. Their father Anthony, who is still alive, was Catechist in the Church of Nigeria, Anglican Communion, then known popularly as CMS. He was committed to the moral discipline of his family as  well as to his Christian principles and faith. This meant that regular attendance to church meetings by members of his family was non-negotiable, as well as participating in daily morning and night family devotions.

Mr Anthony almost never used the cane in his home at all, as against the popular practice of his time. Instead, he had  in his home, particularly among his children, a way of enforcing discipline, which really got him fully involved and to which he was actively committed. He would ensure that the rules are well spelt out, as well as the penalties for defaulters;  and these he would follow through to the latter.

As early as the age of 12, he got his children, James and Kennedy inclusive, enrolled to the Boys Brigade. However, while James seemed to be easily ammenable to rules, Kennedy was on the contrary. The whole idea of having series of family rules and penalties well communicated and spelt out,  did not quite go well with Kennedy, including the compulsory Church services attendance and enrollment to the Boys Brigade. He only followed through because he was compelled to do so.

As months turned into years, James and Kennedy got married,  and soon had their own children. Their father, who got married in his late 30s, had made clear to them the need to start off one's home at an early age. This went a long way in influencing them to marry in their 20s.

In 1993 and 1994 respectively, James and Kennedy each had his first son, Oscar and Ken respectively. James took the path of his father in terms of communication of rules, maintaining of godly principles and insistence on the path of integrity, diligence and excellence for his children and family. This helped Oscar to turn out a very bright and disciplined child in all ramifications. Despite his father's wealth, Oscar maintained his level headedness. This helped him to win an all expense paid scholarship to one of the highly rated International Secondary Schools in his state of residence. He graduated at the age of 16, and was the best graduating student of his class. He proceeded to University where he studied software engineering, which was the course of is dream. He equally graduated at the schedule time as one of the best graduating students of the school that year.

Kennedy, on the other hand, had a rather carefree attitude over family discipline; nor did he really care so much about the godly principles and life of integrity with which he was brought up. Being a wealthy man, and very busy too, he believed that money answers to everything, and that child training and housekeeping should be the sole responsibilities of the woman. Moreover, being averse to his father's disciplinary stance and commitment to godliness in everything else, he really did not care for any of those things his own father instilled in him as a growing up boy. He only attended Church services during services, when he generously makes donations only to leave before the service was over; nor did he have the time to instill the principles of Excellence and good morals in his children.

Ken started to develop wild and undisciplined  habits. Being overly spoilt with material things, he always insisted on having his way in virtually everything; from the time he was in Primary School, nor did his Dad withhold any of his demands from him. He was a torn in the flesh to many of his teachers, from the Primary School through his Secondary Education. On many occasions they would invite his parents to school, because of one case or the other involving their son. However, a point came when they stopped inviting the parents because such invitations seemed to generate more conflicts instead of resolving the existing ones.

Ken went through four different Secondary Schools before graduating, as a result of multiple expulsions from school for offences ranging from sexual molestation of the female students, to physical assault on teachers and vandalization of  school properties. On each occasion, his Mom would quickly find another expensive schoolol for him.

Ken's life ambitions and dreams were never particularly clear so him, nor were they to anybody else either, and his parents were never there to help him straighten things. On a particular day, doing one of his school's career programmes, when of the guest facilitator, at random, asked him what his ambition was, he simply responded by saying that he wanted to be a "GEE". Nobody among the adults there present understood that being a GEE meant being an internet fraudster, otherwise known as Yahoo Boy. Attempt by the school counselor to straighten him out later hit the rock. 

Ken wanted to be a GEE, and he ended up becoming one; for from his first year in the University, he got entangled with fraudulent boys who took much money from him and taught him the practice of internet fraud. By the time he got to his final year, he was already one of the fraudsters on EFCCs most wanted list. By this time, Oscar had already finished his NYSC, and was engaged with one of the highly rated Multinational IT companies. Meanwhile Ken lost several years of Education no thanks so his untamed lifestyle.

The last straw that broke the camel's back for Ken was when he attempted and almost successfully defrauded Oscar's company. Oscar was the person that intercepted the attack, and gave EFCC the necessary tip-off. He was also able to track down and obtain the details which helped the antigraft agency to trace and arrest Ken and some of his colleagues. 

Why most of the boys were able to escape, Ken and a few other suspects were nabbed for further interrogation and possible prosecution. Meanwhile, since they were arrested on 21st day of June, may I seize this moment to lay strong emphasis on the importance and Central place of balance fatherhood to the nurture and discipline of the children into their God-given glorious destinies.

This story may be a fiction, but the principles expounded in it are factual. Child training is not a thing to be left for the mothers alone. The mothers have their roles to play, but the fathers as well have their roles to play which they can't delegate to the mothers. The fathers are central to the birthing of the Children into their glorious destinies. This can only be achieved through balanced discipline and nurturing.

Happy Father's Day to all fathers indeed!

Chukwuka, Dabere Timothy

(This piece of work is a pure fiction and should be accepted as such. Any character used here that corresponds to any individual or institution is a mere coincidence.)

My Thoughts on "Thoughts and Imaginations"

I believe that God gave everyone a brain because He knows that each one needs one, and we begin to fail utterly and pine away in penury because we have utterly failed to use our brains for the primary purpose for which day we are best stored in the first instance. Therefore everyone has a brain because everyone needs a brain.

• It is a divine imperative on each individual to maximally use his or her brain while still alive. 

One of our primary duties as individuals is to use our brains by ourselves, and not to allow others use them for us or compel us to make them redundant. This is the height of Education: the empowerment of the individuals to produce noble thoughts; and this is the real essence of civilization - the emancipation of the individual minds from primitive tendencies to think noble thoughts.

• The man ceases to live who loses the ability to think before acting; and he is a slave to the one who does the thinking for him. This is modern slavery. 

 Every individual has the onus on him or her to develop a programme for thinking and for imaginations. This is a debt everyone owes himself or herself. An attitude of deliberate thoughts and creative imaginations. A place for deliberate and creative thoughts and imaginations. And also a notebook or a diary  or a jotter into which to think and to capture his or her thoughts. 

Creativity is birthed through a habit of productive thoughts. That's when the candles are kindled in the mind, and sparkles of illustrations are unleashed into the innermost parts of the mind. 

The implications of this is that the hidden potentials of the inner man are brought to the fore, mediocrity is relegated to the rear and Excellence is enthroned to reign supreme. 

Woe is that generation whose folks have got much time for many things but little for prolonged, deliberate and creative thinking and imagination. Have you seen that generation whose myriads of its folks, especially the younger folks, engage in deliberate productive thoughts and imaginations? The doors of Excellence and creativity shall never be shut in it by the day, neither shall she know any night at all. 

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